Lines
It’s always been about lines for me…. Waiting in line to get into school… the line to pick up your engineering application form… the finish line of engineering… waiting in line for a job…
Then the most important line…the line separating you from the people you study with, work with and/or are friends with… I have always believed that it doesn’t help to make friends with everyone…you need boundaries.
Why do we need boundaries? To protect ourselves from intimacy which we’re not ready for or don’t want. Why?
Intimacy is a four letter word for “Here’s my heart and my soul.” Please mash them into pulp and enjoy. It’s both desired and feared. Difficult to live with and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to Relatives, Romance and ROOM-MATES.
Ok…. so this is not a crusade against room-mates just in case you’re wondering.
But with room-mates, there are some things you can’t escape and others you just don’t want to know about. You were better off not knowing them. Before you knew those things, the room-mate was just that. A room-mate. A stranger whom you did not really care to talk to or have to be nice too. He just shared space with you out of your own necessity.
But when you find out their daily quirks like roaming around the house in their underwear or leaving the toilet seat down every time and never remembering to switch off the lights, they become REAL. You establish a bond without wanting one. You are suddenly privy to their lives without really wanting to become a part of it. You become intimate.
Then you get to know each other very well and then one day, you step over the line, be it relatives, romance or room-mates. You do something that really violates the inner sanctum of another human being.
I wish there was a rule book for intimacy-some kind of guide that could tell you when you cross the line-It would be nice if you could see it coming.
And then there is pain. Lot’s of it. If life’s so hard already why would we want to make it harder and more difficult for ourselves? Why is there a constant need for us to press the self-destruct button?
Maybe we like the pain it causes…maybe we’re wired that way…maybe, without it, we just wouldn’t feel real.
As for intimacy, you take it when you can get it and keep it as long as you can and as for rules- maybe there are no rules. Maybe the rules for intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.
I like intimacy and I don’t mind the pain. At some point you have to make a decision- boundaries don’t keep people out- they fence you in.-Life is so messy –That’s how we are made- so you can waste your life drawing lines- or you can live your life crossing them- Here’s what I know- if you’re willing to take the chance- the view from the other side of the line, is spectacular.
So I why do I keep hitting myself with the hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.
Then the most important line…the line separating you from the people you study with, work with and/or are friends with… I have always believed that it doesn’t help to make friends with everyone…you need boundaries.
Why do we need boundaries? To protect ourselves from intimacy which we’re not ready for or don’t want. Why?
Intimacy is a four letter word for “Here’s my heart and my soul.” Please mash them into pulp and enjoy. It’s both desired and feared. Difficult to live with and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to Relatives, Romance and ROOM-MATES.
Ok…. so this is not a crusade against room-mates just in case you’re wondering.
But with room-mates, there are some things you can’t escape and others you just don’t want to know about. You were better off not knowing them. Before you knew those things, the room-mate was just that. A room-mate. A stranger whom you did not really care to talk to or have to be nice too. He just shared space with you out of your own necessity.
But when you find out their daily quirks like roaming around the house in their underwear or leaving the toilet seat down every time and never remembering to switch off the lights, they become REAL. You establish a bond without wanting one. You are suddenly privy to their lives without really wanting to become a part of it. You become intimate.
Then you get to know each other very well and then one day, you step over the line, be it relatives, romance or room-mates. You do something that really violates the inner sanctum of another human being.
I wish there was a rule book for intimacy-some kind of guide that could tell you when you cross the line-It would be nice if you could see it coming.
And then there is pain. Lot’s of it. If life’s so hard already why would we want to make it harder and more difficult for ourselves? Why is there a constant need for us to press the self-destruct button?
Maybe we like the pain it causes…maybe we’re wired that way…maybe, without it, we just wouldn’t feel real.
As for intimacy, you take it when you can get it and keep it as long as you can and as for rules- maybe there are no rules. Maybe the rules for intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.
I like intimacy and I don’t mind the pain. At some point you have to make a decision- boundaries don’t keep people out- they fence you in.-Life is so messy –That’s how we are made- so you can waste your life drawing lines- or you can live your life crossing them- Here’s what I know- if you’re willing to take the chance- the view from the other side of the line, is spectacular.
So I why do I keep hitting myself with the hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.
posted by gubs at 2:55 AM
